Turn Hall in Adams, Massachusetts, has a boiler that the members call the Beast. It was cast in Westfield and has heated the building since it went up in 1902. It started on coal, was switched to oil and then to gas. By the end, members were going down to check on it several times a day through the winter, the way you check on an elderly relative who insists on living alone. Now the Beast is finished, and the Adams Turners don’t have the money to replace it.

Sabrina Damms laid out the numbers in iBerkshires on Sept. 27. A new multi-zone hydronic system costs $81,443. American Turners, the national organization, has offered a $25,000 grant and a $25,000 loan. That leaves the club about $30,000 short. When the story ran, the GoFundMe had raised $1,750, and members had put in more than $2,500 of their own. Meanwhile Stephanie Gigliotti, the recording secretary, is turning away people who call to book parties, because nobody rents a hall that can’t promise heat in January.

The Adams Turners were founded in 1887 as part of the Turnverein movement, which German immigrants brought over to promote gymnastics and fellowship. The gymnastics have mostly given way to bowling. The club has 144 members, and in winter its bowling and pitch leagues fill the building nearly every night. The rest of the calendar is spaghetti suppers, children’s Christmas parties and wedding receptions. Allison Atwell, a third-generation member, told iBerkshires: “I grew up here. I bowled in a kids league here. I’m now bowling here. And I hope that we can start a kids league back up.” Adams had 13,026 people in 1910 and 8,166 in 2020. A town that has lost that many people doesn’t get many chances to keep the rooms where the rest of them still meet.

Last week I wrote here that Adams should build a Trump statue on Park Street, next to William McKinley, who has been standing there with his arm out since 1903. Turn Hall is one year older than he is. Some people read that piece as a joke. Washington is treating statues as serious business. The National Endowment for the Humanities is offering sculptors “up to $200,000 per statue” for the president’s National Garden of American Heroes, part of $34 million the administration has set aside for the garden. That money is going to a park in Washington, not to towns in the Berkshires. Still, this is a president who pays for statues, and Adams is a town that already knows how to put a president on a pedestal.

So here is my offer, and it’s a no-brainer. If Adams says yes to the Trump statue, I will put $25,000 toward Turn Hall’s new heating system. That covers most of what the Turners still need. This is an offer to the town, not to the Turners. They didn’t ask for it, and they shouldn’t have to answer for it. The town gets a second president on Park Street, and the bowlers get to keep bowling. Since I’m making this offer from the other side of the world, someone from the town will have to pick up the phone. Call me on WhatsApp, or email aclermont@attorneyapc.com. Hong Kong is twelve hours ahead of Adams, and I will answer at any hour.

Ruth was drying a wok when I read her the offer. “So the bowlers stay warm if Trump gets a statue,” she said. I told her that was the deal. She hung the wok back on its hook. “McKinley is going to be jealous.”